


Families, By Choice and By Accident

by riverlight



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Accidental Baby Acquisition, Babies, Deus Ex Machina, M/M, Wordcount: 500-1.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-11
Updated: 2012-12-11
Packaged: 2017-11-20 21:03:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/589614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/riverlight/pseuds/riverlight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Sorry I'm not completely sanguine about the fact that a device made by a supervillan sampled my DNA and then sampled <em>your </em>DNA and is now making us a magical deus ex machina <em>baby!"</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	Families, By Choice and By Accident

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lilac_one](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilac_one/gifts).



> For lilac_one, who wanted Clint/Phil accidental-baby-acquisition when I did that [tropes meme](http://riverlight.dreamwidth.org/162176.html) a while back. Hugs, darlin'!

"Well," Clint says, thoughtfully. "It could be worse."

Phil's too shaken to put much effort into his glare, but he does his best. "Barton, this is not the time for levity," he says. If his voice isn't entirely steady, well, he thinks he's entitled, just this once.

"I'm serious," Clint says. "I mean, think about it. It could have been Tony." 

Phil snorts a laugh, despite himself. God, it _could_ have been Tony. If Clint hadn't been so bored that he was dogging Phil's steps, if Tony hadn't been quite so absorbed in whatever device it was that he was haranguing poor Steve about, not that Steve cared one whit about the science behind Doctor Doom's toys unless it had strategic ramifications— God, Phil thinks, if Clint hadn't been close enough to snatch the device out of his hands, if Tony hadn't been quite so distracted, it could have been Tony who made the device activate instead of Clint. Not that he has anything against Tony, but—

He cuts himself off. That's not important. He needs to focus. "How are you so calm about this?" he says to Clint. 

"How are you _not?"_ Clint shoots back. "You're always calm! You didn't blink an eye when you discovered that _aliens existed._ How can you be freaking out now?"

"I'm _trained_ for that," Phil says. When Tony darts a sharp glance in their direction he realizes it was maybe closer to a yell than he intended, but god, that's the least of his worries right now. "Sorry I'm not completely sanguine about the fact that a device made by a supervillan sampled my DNA and then sampled _your_ DNA and is now making us a magical deus ex machina _baby!"_

Clint's face goes blank. "Fine," he says, and shoves himself to his feet. "When you've gotten yourself under control and want to talk about this like an adult, come find me." The door to Doctor Doom's warehouse is heavy, but he slams it so hard it clangs against the wall on his way out. 

Tony keeps glancing over at him. Phil braces himself for Tony's particularly heavy-handed version of comfort, but Tony has apparently learned a thing or two since Phil first met him, because he only comes over after Phil's had five minutes to sit and stare blankly at the wall and breathe. He's got the device in his hands; Phil looks away.

Tony doesn't say anything, just stands there awkwardly shifting from foot to foot. "So, uh, the technology is actually pretty amazing," Tony offers, finally. 

"That's not—I don't—" Phil says, but Tony barrels on."But what am I saying, that's not the important thing here—though I can't believe I just said science isn't the important thing, what's happening to me, _look_ what you've done to me with this Avengers thing, Coulson, god—and you can credit Pep for my knowing this at all, and, actually, I should call Pep, she'd love this—but, _anyway,"_ he says, waving his hands in a little _not important_ gesture, "the important thing, Agent, is that you should go talk to him."

"What?" Phil says. "To who?"

"What do you mean, to who?" Tony says. "To Clint, you know, Clint. Cupid-Boy. Hawkeye. The _guy you're sleeping with,_ Coulson, who else?" and oh, God, Phil had thought the Avengers didn't know about that. Tony waves a hand. "Never mind how I know. I'm just saying—" he says, and tosses the _incredibly advanced baby-making machine_ into the _air—_ "I'm just saying, I know a thing or two about family issues, you know?" Tony says. "So trust me when I say Clint's got family issues. I mean, we all do, team of antisocial superhero _vigilantes,_ you know? But—" Tony offers his hand, and pulls Phil to his feet. "Clint's got more claim to it than most of us. Orphaned as a kid, abandoned by his brother, betrayed by his father figure, and yet, what does he do? Joins a team, moves into their base, and starts cooking us all breakfast." 

Which is true. Clint had made them all pancakes and bacon this morning. He'd bitched about the amount Steve could eat, but he'd kept cooking. "Oh," Phil says.

"Yeah," Tony says. "God knows I'm not telling you to _keep_ it, I'd be the last person on earth to encourage someone to raise a son they don't want, and anyway I'm pretty sure having a kid around us is, like, the textbook definition of crazy, but—go talk to him." And Tony pushes him out the door. 

Phil goes.


End file.
